Poling on your period

Before you embark on reading this post, I thought I had better warn you that it gets pretty graphic in places (standard). Normalising periods and getting rid of the bullshit taboo around discussing them is something I am passionate about, so I like to talk about them leaving all the gorey details in. Therefore you just might want to read this after you’ve had your breakfast if you’re squeamish.

Poling on your period, to keep it brief, can be a right fucking irritant. Picture the scene; you’re off to pole class, you’ve got your favourite pole gear on and you’re feeling pumped and ready to absolutely smash it tonight. You quickly head to the loo for the standard pre- training wee (I like to be as empty as possible before poling) only to discover that low and behold, Bob the Blob has come to town, your vagina has fallen to the Communists, in short, your bastard period has arrived.

Personally, I kind of have a love/hate relationship with my period. I love it because once a month it’s confirmation that I’m not pregnant (just throwing it out there that I have nothing but respect for all you parents out there and nothing against people having babies, I just feel as I get older that having human children isn’t for me) however I hate pretty much everything else about having a period. The hot flushes, bloating, cramps and vicious mood swings that turn me into a fucking she-demon, the whole menstrual process in my opinion can get in the bin, especially as it fucks up my ability to pole properly!

Firstly, there is the whole issue of making sure you have enough protection on the see you through your class. I didn’t start using tampons until just under a year ago (one got sort of stuck up my vadge when I was 17, and I had been put off ever since in case you were wondering), so to make sure I was properly protected for class, I would resort to the industrial sized, mattress motherfuckers to minimise the risk of seepage. That was a gamble in itself, as it’s a bit bloody nerve wracking attempting a trick up the pole and feeling a clot the size of a prize winning Koi Karp pass out of your Mrs Mimsey! Thankfully, I have since cured myself of said aforementioned Tampon phobia, and they’re currently my go to method of protection when poling on my period. Up pops one right before class and, after making sure the string is securely tucked in and I don’t accidently tug the bastard out, I’m ready to crack on. Yes, testing out one of those Moon Cups I hear everyone raving on about is definitely high up on the do list too, so I’ll give poling a go in one of those and report back.

However, I find the real shitter that you encounter when poling on your period is how you’re suddenly way weaker than you were when said blob isn’t around! I don’t know whether this is due to being generally heavier as your period arrives, as I legit struggle to pole when my period is imminent too, or what, but it’s really fucking frustrating. One week I have mastered a strength trick that I was working on nailing (atm, I’m consistently trying to get my Shoulder Mount in heels) and the next week, thanks to the monthly bastard, it’s disappeared again into thin air. Bollocks.

Also, in addition to be weaker than usual in the week leading up to my period and during it, my pain threshold is way fucking lower. In class on Thursday, I was miserably defeated just doing a leg switch from a Gemini into a Scorpio. A fucking leg switch was literally all it took to finish me. I haven’t yet been brave enough to attempt any of the real pain inducing, death moves such as my favourite the Superman or a Remi sit when my period is here to party, but I can already imagine I would flop out of it spectacularly and roll around in pain yelping like a Premiere League footballer who has just stubbed their toe.

On the subject of pain, trying to attempt any sort of pole when it feels as though you have got a fully grown, savage Iguana trying to tear it’s way through your cervix head first is utter brutality, top that off with the tenderest tits on earth (do NOT attempt a tuck or flare spin when your baps are in this state believe me) and you’re in for an hour of sheer joy. Ugh.

Well, that was a nice, jolly old positive blog to start the week with wasn’t it? Hopefully next week, when my period has gone again I’ll be less of a grumbling old cow.