I returned from my honeymoon on Monday to (to be quite honest) a bit of a shit storm in my home country of the UK. Having spent the past week stuffing myself with all the delicious food (including fucking STACKS of ice cream) beer and rum whilst adventuring around Cuba with very limited access to the internet, I was blissfully unaware of how the situation was unfolding back home.
Now, I am determined to ensure that Chrome Chronicles remains a positive and happy corner of the internet during this period of history, so fear not, I’m not going to descend into some dark, depressing post all about Covid-19. To very briefly summarise, here in the UK we are in a “lock down” period so to speak for three weeks, whereby only essential shops (ie ones that stock food and medicine) are open, we are currently practicing social distancing, are only to leave our homes to buy essential supplies and/or for up to an hour of exercise per day and must not visit anyone outside of our households. It is absolutely vital that the government’s rules for preventing the spread of Covid-19 are followed, so sadly this means that now, all pole studios and strip clubs are currently closed until further notice.
Many studio owners are self-employed, and as you can imagine this closure is having a huge effect on the pole dance community. Thankfully though, because we are a fucking innovative and determined bunch, we sure as hell ain’t letting this beat us. Many dancers from a broad variety of backgrounds, ranging from stripping to pole fitness and everything in between are running online classes and tutorials to help you cram some invaluable training in whilst the studio is closed. My friends and fellow blogger extraordinaires Blogger on Pole and Sass and Clacks have written fabulous, in depth posts detailing several different online tutorials that pole dancers are running during this period (including everything from online private classes, exotic tutorials and even twerk classes) and further ways in which you can support our fabulous community. For many of these tutorials a pole isn’t even required, so don’t sweat it if you don’t have a pole handy (although you can buy one from the link below)!
Now I do not yet have a pole at home but as mad as this sounds I sure as hell am not going to let a tiny, insignificant detail like not having an actual pole itself hamper my pole dance progression during the lock down period. In addition to working full time, I have devised a four (potentially five) step training programme for myself that will help me to smash many of my 2020 pole goals. So what does this programme consist of I hear you ask? Well here it is!
Step one – Running!
I fucking love running. Yeah, I said it, and I genuinely mean it. Ever since I was a kid I have enjoyed running and that passion has stayed with me right up until the ripe old age that I am now. I usually run home from work but as I’m fortunate enough to be able to work from home during the lock down, my husband and I are going on 7-8km (depending on how energetic we feel/how far we can get within the hour) runs after we finish work. I am not going to commit to saying we will go every bloody day, as that’s some next level Mo Farrah behaviour, but we are aiming to run at least four times per week whilst the lockdown is in place. Come at me running endorphins you sexy bastards!
Step two – 30 mins of stretching (at least) four times per week
Now be full on prepared to shit yourselves in amazement here folks, but my flexibility quest has actually gained some semi decent momentum. I mentioned in the recent Foxen vs Flexibility post that I had began doing 15 minutes of stretching after my evening runs, and I am happy to announce that little habit has not only stuck but grown into 25-30 minutes of stretching after pretty much every run- woohoo! I have started very slowly seeing results and am feeling like much less of a dusty old corpse than I previously was, which is fucking great news. However, now the runs have increased to four times a week, so will said stretching sessions, so I am upping my game to four 30 minute stretching sessions for now to see where that gets me, hopefully to the land of a perfectly flat jade split.
Step three – daily strength competitions with my husband
With the exception of stretching, as he deems anything flexible “supernatural shit”, I have a good training buddy in my husband. We enjoy running together like a pair of soppy cunts and are about level pegging on the old strength front. If you follow Chrome Chronicles on Facebook and Instagram, you will see that we had plank challenge on Wednesday to see who could hold one for the longest, and funnily enough turning it into a competition pushed me to hold my plank for longer. Therefore, we are going to attempt to beat each other in one strength exercise (wall sits, push ups etc) every day during the lock down. These challenges will obviously be videoed and stuck on Chrome Chronicle’s Facebook and Instagram pages, so stay tuned to watch two dickheads trying to turn into a pair of strength machines!
Step four -Kitty Velour’s kitchen challenge and potentially more sexy adventures
Man alive I think the one thing I am missing most during this lock down period is putting on my Pleasers and dancing! Due to life getting in the way of pole recently, I haven’t been able to take an exotic class in any of its glorious styles since January and this bitch right here is getting withdrawal symptoms. So, when one of my pole idols Kitty Velour announced she was doing an exotic kitchen challenge I jumped straight in there. This challenge does exactly what it says on the tin- gets you dancing exotic style in your kitchen! Kitty gives participants a new move to try each day and so far we have had leg waves and pirouettes. Don’t forget to tag Kitty in your story if you’re participating.
Kitty also has a Patreon account full of badass exotic tutorials which I fully intend on signing up for as soon as my finances are sorted out and my shithouse overdraft is paid off. One positive thing about this lock down is that I will be forced to save money, so can join Kitty’s Patreon sooner, well that’s the plan anyway!
Potentially step five – exercise DVDs
Last but by no means least is the retro method of getting fit that is the good old-fashioned exercise DVD. Talk about keeping it old school! During the next three weeks, once my house is scrubbed from top to bottom and all other tasks I have given myself (nothing major) have been completed, I’m hoping to have a spare few hours here and there to bust out some of my 90 minute Yoga DVDs to get a real intense stretching session in. Now, if I am feeling exceptionally brave/masochistic, I also have Cleo the Hurricane’s sheer hour of pain that is her Rocking Legs ‘n’ Abs DVD which has reduced me to a sweating, howling heap every time I’ve attempted it. Fuck knows how I managed to just about make it all the way through.
Let me training methods are you’re trying out during the lock down in the comments below!