No matter how long you have been pole dancing for, a year, two years, fuck it, even five and half years like yours truly over here, there will always be that one relatively simple (I use that term very loosely here) move that remains an absolute, elusive bastard to you. You will be able to complete all manner of moves that are technically more difficult than this one, but this one shithouse of a move remains a mystery.
You’ll be relieved to know that there are tonnes of fellow pole dancers who experience this infuriating fucker of a problem, as I discovered first hand when I took to Facebook to ask pole dancers far and wide what their own utter bastard beginner/intermediate move was. There was a plethora of moves, however a certain few moves were definitely more bastardy than others. Therefore, as someone who loves a good list (and a bit of self-torture too) I counted the top ten moves you all listed as the absolute worst and thought, in the spirit of camaraderie for my fellow pole dancers, I’d give them a go. Is your most hated move on the list? Read on to find out!
- Shoulder Mount-7 votes
In at ten is the classic bastard that is the Shoulder Mount. Shit the bed this move took me forever and a bloody day to achieve- well a year and five months to be precise. Deadlifting them is still a challenge, my Shoulder Mount in heels remains hit and miss (I had to scrabble and fudge my way into the one in the photo above) and if you really fancy a chuckle, watch me try to attempt an aerial one. Shoulder Mounts require so much ab strength it feels like the poor things are about to burst right through your flesh when you’re midway through hoisting yourself up into one. Yes they look stunning, and I love a good old Shoulder Mount heel clack, but yes I do agree- they’re a challenging bugger of a move.
- Wrist Sit – 8 votes
These things are twisty little bitches. I personally don’t mind them, but that’s only because I can get into them nicely from my favourite move the Cross Knee Release. If I attempt a Wrist Seat from a regular seat I end up spinning around the pole in some sort of weird, unstoppable orbit and don’t feel half as secure. Overall, this move isn’t too bad for me, but it’s hardly a banger of a move either.
- Jamilla/Apprentice – 9 votes
This move is a right www, aka a weird wobbly wanker. Similarly to the Wrist Seat, I can manage to execute a Jamilla, but I really don’t feel very solid in them and can only really hold one for a few seconds at best, and I’m even more wobbly when doing them in heels. It’s a pretty move that looks cool, but I can see why it’s a hated one.
- Gemini (outside leg hang) – 10 votes
Now, I am sorry pole dancers across the globe, but I love a Gemini! Once that knee grip is secure I can hang out all day in this bad boy, you can get into all manner of other moves from one, they seem to slide effortlessly into all manner of combos easier than a 3rd Jagerbomb on a night out (lol remember night’s out?) and they just generally get two big thumbs up from me. However, as much as I like to think I am, I am not a fucking expert on everything and many of you, including some of my top pole pals, have very valid reasons for a Gemini being an utter bastard of a move for you – so it’s earned it’s spot at number seven on the list.
- Cross Knee Release – 17 votes
I’m going to be a very unpopular lass by the end of this post. Much like the Gemini, I fucking love a Cross Knee Release. It’s my all-time favourite pole move and there will be a cold day in hell before I ever leave one out of a routine. I could hang out in one all day, they make regular folk gasp in awe, “You’re upside down?! Oh my word!” and I just generally find them enjoyable. But, once again the people have spoken, and I’m in the minority being a fan of this Marmite move-it’s either loved or hated.
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- Scorpio (inside leg hang) – 17 votes
Coming in at the midway point is the divisive Scorpio. I honestly never know where I bloody stand with this temperamental, burny fucker of a move. One minute I’m hanging out in one all hunky dory, with a flat back leg and looking like quite the badass and then boom- the next time I attempt it I am in a world of pain and bruised to shit. Whilst I took to a Gemini like a duck to water, the Scorpio took a lot longer to get the hang of (four months I think) and I still have a small amount of nerves going into one. Also depending on where I am in my cycle/how hungover I am when poling, I can plummet out of a Scorpio. To summarise I can see why they’re a hated move!
- Chopper – 17 votes
Coar I was surprised by this addition to the list! A Chopper is quite an infuriating move I think because of how essential they are. Do you want to get in up a nice, secure and sturdy invert, a Chopper is the way to go- but boy are they a struggle to achieve. Mine took me 11 months to nail, and if I’m going to be honest (for fucks sake don’t attempt this) I did sort of hoist myself back and hope for the best. I feel pretty happy and confident with Choppers personally, but that took me a long time of drilling on both sides and aerial ones to master. If you’re battling the Chopper fear not, I promise you will get there eventually.
- Cross Ankle Release – 26 votes
Oh my word what an absolutely terrifying thundercunt of a move! This move has earned its anxiety inducing spot in the top three and then some. I can do a Cross Ankle, but it always scares me and I hate doing them. I nearly always put one in a routine to force myself to drill the life out of them, but I don’t think I’ll ever find doing a Cross Ankle an enjoyable experience. I love what they look like and think when properly executed they look stunning, but they’re shit your pole pants scary. Give me a Cross Knee over a Cross Ankle any day of the week.
- Cupid – 41 votes
This move can get in the fucking bin. I hate a Cupid, never practice them and I’m happy to go on record as a firm Cupid hater. Who even invented this move seriously? I can never get the right level of hip thrusting action in there; my foot always slips and there is more chance of me laying a golden egg than there is of me every being able to confidently master one hands free. Besides, you can’t bust them out in heels so they’re not for me. Stinking bastard of a move. This rotter completely and utterly deserves second place on the list, but what move could possibly be worse than a cupid and take the top spot I heard you ask…
- Superman – 49 votes
This fucking cunt. Worst move ever, end of. I have been battling this move for over four years now and in that time I can only recall properly managing it three times. THREE TIMES. It’s not even the pain factor that bothers me, it’s the absolutely infuriating hip twisting action that I just cannot for the life of me get the hang of. I mean, I had to get into this shape my shimmying back into it from the bloody floor.There is far too much to remember, it’s confusing as hell and my body just doesn’t like it. In a way I am chuffed to bits that this was voted the most hated move on the list, as I know I’m in good company not being the only one who cannot stand it.
Well there you have it folks, your list of intermediate moves that are the absolute worst. Thank you so much to all of you who responded participated in the little survey for this blog (even if it did involve me facing a few of my own nemesis moves!) and if you have any moves that you think are worse than those listed above, feel free to drop them in the comments.