It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written about anything flexibility related, so this post is long over due and in all honesty, I’m amazed I haven’t written about it already. I’m talking about the ultimate stretching death match, the battle of the big guns, middle (or box, whatever you prefer to say) splits versus front splits.
First off, let me clarify for your all, whilst I may blog about flexibility and train it two-three times per week, I find it fucking painful. I wish I was one of those naturally bendy bitches and had legs like Felix Cane, Bentley Rebel and Jordan Kensley, but I do not. Also there is no denying that having strong and flexible legs helps no end when it comes to pole dancing. A beautifully flat Jade split is a wonderous sight to behold, and having a semi-decent amount of leg (or any for that matter) flexibility is cracking for helping you to achieve a variety of moves, such as a Reiko or Chopsticks.
Anyway, after I firmly gulped down on the hard to swallow pill that my splits needed some serious work, I re-started training with my two favourite splitty bitch experts Eloise Comer and Patricia the Tease. In all honesty I think these two ladies get a kick out of brutalising my poor legs! With Eloise having an impressive four block oversplit on her front splits and Patricia being the undisputed queen of all things middle splits related, these two do not fuck about. I log out of every online class feeling like I’ve been fucked for a fortnight and my legs are nearly always trembling after an hour of the most intense splits training. However, fair play to these two, each of their savage classes (Eloise focuses on front splits and Patricia does middles) get massive results. No pain no gain could not be more true in this instance.
Now, onto the crux of the matter. The weird thing I have noticed about training both my splits is that I much prefer the stretches involved in getting your middle splits. Frogs, half frogs and straddles are where it’s at! However, I am much lower in my front splits and find actual middle splits themselves to be more painful. What bloody weirdness is this?! Honestly the various hamstring and hip flexor stretches that are required to get a flat front split stress me the fuck out (especially that utter bastard the pike fold) but put me in the front splits and I don’t find holding the stretch too agonising. Put me in a straddle fold and I’m as happy as a pig in shit, but when it comes to actually holding a middle split every single muscle and tendon in my legs feel like they’re being stretched to within an inch of their life and my vagina feels like it could snap off and flop onto the floor. Oh the joys!
Now, I have mentioned before that I am in no way a qualified pole dance or flexibility instructor and have zero biology knowledge apart from a science GCSE acquired in 2006, so please feel free to take this most likely bollocks opinion with a pinch of salt. But the only conclusion I can find as to why I prefer the feeling of middle splits stretching is that the pain is spread out equally across both my legs, so not intensified in one specific area. What fucks me right up in front split stretching is that you’ll often focus on one leg at a time when doing your stretches, so the pain is usually focused in either my left leg or right leg hamstrings/hip flexors and I’m sat there feeling like that part of my body is being stabbed. Before any of you bendy bitches start saying “oh you shouldn’t feel like your being stabbed!” do be quiet. It’s perfectly normal for my body to feel like that as it hates stretching. Leave my stiff old arse alone.
Well there you have it. The verdict so far in the front vs middle splits battle is that front splits are more comfortable but the stretches involved in getting them can get in the bin. Whereas middle splits hurt like fuckery but the stretches involved in getting them aren’t too bad.
What’s your opinion on the whole fronts and middle splits battle? Let me know in the comments below!