Pole Weekender was a fucking cracking weekend

So, last weekend several of my pole family and I packed up our Pleasers and made the great pilgrimage up north *said in my best Coronation Street/Tiff Finney accent* to Sheffield, UK for the first ever Pole Weekender, and we were absolutely fucking buzzing for it!

Pole Weekender was a chock-a-block full weekend that consisted of three competitions (Dance Filthy, Pole Battle and Pole Art) seminars and plenty of workshops with some badass dancers such as Mario Turco, Jazzy K, Marion Crampe, Oona K and many more. More than enough to fill your best pair of 10-inch boots at least!

Now, I have mentioned before that I am a huge fan exotic pole and some good old fashioned gash flashing floor fuckery in all its filthy forms. And in all honesty if you thought I was a dirty bitch you really should meet my pole buddies. I am but a mere beginner in my exotic journey compared to some of the damn sexy shit that lot can come up with, anyway I digress. As you can imagine, we were ridiculously pumped for Dance Filthy. Don’t get me wrong, I loved watching the whole intense and acrobatic style of Pole Art (I’ll get onto that later) but it’s the authentic pole style that really makes my titties tingle.

For those of you who need a quick summary, Dance Filthy was the brainchild of two of my pole idols Michelle Shimmy & Maddie Sparkle, with the goal of both embracing and appreciating all styles of sexy, authentic pole dance. Having attended the Dance Filthy Southern Heat back in June as a human prop/backing dancer for my girl Patricia (who competed on Friday as a motherfucking finalist and you can see in the pic below looking fly as!) I had already fallen in love with the competition and had a pretty solid level of expectation as to what to expect from the night.

P and Andre

Patricia and Andre fucking slaying the stage at Dance Filthy!

Well, it’s safe to say that the Dance Filthy 2018 Grand final took those expectations and gloriously smashed the bastards into oblivion. What a fucking competition it was! I was amazed at how each and every competitor let their own, unique brand of sexy shine through in their performances. Us audience members were treated to a wide array of filth ranging from saucy Police Officers, ancient Greek gods and goddesses, sexy clowns and even a steamy Conjugal visit! I’m pretty sure my both my chin and vagina got increasingly wetter throughout the evening until I was nothing but a horny, puddle of a woman by the end of the night. The Dance Filthy Grand Final was indeed filthy, but also fabulous and downright inspiring. I am determined to pluck up the courage (and actually get good enough at some point) to enter this competition one day. The inspiration is real right now.

Lastly on the subject of Dance Filthy, you cannot imagine this badass competition without its awesome compere Tiff Finney. The legendary Tiff’s vivacious, larger than life personality (with a rack to match!) makes her the perfect compere for the night. Whether she’s making the audience battle it out over who has the best orgasm noise or wowing you with a fab guest performance, Tiff is a hilarious 10/10 G who never fails to entertain you for the night. Never change babe!

After we went home, drank a shit tonne of rum and practiced our best filthy floorwork and poses in our Airbnb (I told you we were inspired!) It was time to sober up and get ready for the second big competition we had planned to see this weekend, the first ever Pole Art UK. It’s always intriguing I find watching a different style of dance to your own preferred choice (I haven’t quite mastered the art of versatility just yet in my dancing career), as it’s fascinating to see how other dancers interpret pole. If intense, trick heavy and gymnastic amazement is your thing then bloody hell you will love Pole Art. We were definitely wowed by how intense and gripping each of the performances were, and how flipping athletic the dancers were too, you would have to be to attempt some of the death defying feats that they were!

On Sunday, the weekend was rounded off nicely with some workshops. Whilst my buddies headed over to Oona’s and Mario Turco’s, I was most excited for a 90 minute choreo and floor tricks session with the mighty Jazzy K. Jazzy did not disappoint, as she taught us a fab routine and several variations of sassy flow moves depending on your ability, which is great if like me you’re about as flexible and agile as a solidified poo some days. Jazzy’s lush nature and step by step teaching style left me leaving her workshop feeling dead chuffed that I had managed to accomplish some moves and also motivated to crack on and take them up to the next level. Bravo Jazzy for a cracking workshop!

Jazzy and I

The beautiful Jazzy K and I

Overall Pole Weekender will go down as one of my 2018 highlights easily, the competitions were epic, being taught by one of your pole idols is one to tick off the bucket list and getting your mystery meat out with your fly pole buddies is an experience to remember! Take me back now please!

Squad

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