If there is one thing that I think unites all polers from all disciplines, be it fitness, exotic etc, it’s how absolutely shit it is training your “other” side, or dark side as I like to refer to it like the Star Wars nerd that I am. Christ to be honest I don’t even really have a dark side, I have one side that I can actually do a few tricks and spins on and another side that is about as useful as a shit in a sandwich. Hell, my dark side also looks about as attractive as a shit sandwich when I attempt moves on it too, curse you dark side!
In all honesty I think I know about three pole dancers who actually seem to somewhat enjoy training their dark sides (you know who you three are you trio of bloody drill sergeants!) the rest of us fucking hate it. I can just about accomplish a regular Invert to Climb-over (lol me attempting to air invert on my dark side is a sight to behold) and a Shoulder Mount on my dark side. Any other moves on my other side, even a simple front or back hook, can curl up and get in the bin. Even two of my favourite moves that I am confident in on my good side, the beloved Cross Knee Release and Gemini, are nothing but hellish, burning pain of doom on my dark side. Actually, I tell a lie, I once accomplished a butterfly on my dark side and despite it not hurting a huge amount, it felt scary as shit and about as steady as a punched jelly.
Now, before anyone points out the obvious I know exactly why my dark side is a useless tit of a side, and that’s because I need to pull up my big girl pants, grow a pair of ovaries and actually train it. I haven’t given the dark side a chance to be conditioned to the pain of the skin gripping to the pole and the strength involved in hoisting my ass over my head like I have with my dominant side. This is not only because, like I have mentioned in my previous posts, not only am I a professional procrastinator and will put off doing any shit in both my muggle and pole lives that I don’t want to do or that feels like too much effort, but also because I can be a massive wimp when it comes to pain. I stare at my pole friends who claim to enjoy pain with a mixture of both envy (fuck me I’d be a pro now if I enjoyed pole pain) and immense confusion as they bust out the right agonising bastard moves like the Dove or Allegra.
“But Eilish, you have tattoos so you can’t hate pain that much.” I hear you say? Yeah they take months of me plucking up the courage to get, I only sit for approximately three hours and I am straight up avoiding getting the real killer spots like the ribs, back of the knees etc done. Pain ain’t for this chick right here! Hence why it’s taken me quite a while to actually bite the bullet and properly commit to training my flexibility, training that shit hurts the most out of all things pole dance related I swear.
Some progress has been made at least, as I am strongly considering putting some solid, other side training targets on my list of pole goals for 2019. So far, I have the Cross Knee, Gemini, Scorpio, Hip Hold and Flat line list as moves that I would like to be able to master on my dark side by the end of 2019, as they’re tricks I feel pretty secure in doing. Strength wise I would love to be able to bust out an Air Invert on my dark side, but I swear to you all right now that if that happens I’ll eat my pole shorts and wash them down with a delicious bottle of Dry Hands.
If any of you lovely readers have any tips on how to summon your bravery and conquer the beast that is training your dark side, please drop them in the comments!