Pole competition behaviours that get right on my tits

In all honesty I was in two minds about writing this blog due to its slightly controversial subject matter. I was worried (and part of me still is) that I would receive a fair bit of stick for it, however after discussing these topics with some of my pole pals and remembering that caring too much about what other people think is a straight up bullshit way to live your life, I’m going to feel the fear and do it anyway, which is what us brave polers are best at doing after all!

I do however want to throw a disclaimer out there first. This blog is about two behaviours I have noticed happening at pole competitions that I disagree with. Before anyone starts kicking off and accusing me of being a naggy old cow, I want everyone reading it to know that these are behaviours that I have noticed happening in general. This post is not in any way aimed at specific people and I’m not set out to be a total cunt and offend anyone here. This is just a rant at the practice of certain behaviours that take place at pole competitions which I believe do the pole world a disservice.

Anyway, enough waffling, time to grow a back bone and cut to that chase. The two behaviours that take place in pole competitions that get right on my tits and in all honesty put me off competing are;

People entering a category below their level

Brace yourselves because I’m about to go off. This shit pisses me off no end. As an Intermediate Level student (the most difficult moves I can do confidently are probably an Extended Butterfly, Shoulder Mount and an Inverted D) I would enter the Intermediate Level if I were to compete. However, when I attend pole competitions and see “Intermediate” students busting out Cocoons and various other advanced moves I get a tad confused. I also get quite confused when I’m casually perusing through Instagram minding my own business and see folk who are currently competing at an Intermediate level executing pretty solid Ayeshas and various other arms only and extreme flexibility tricks in their posts. Here is me, a solidly average Audrey trying my very hardest to nail a perfect Butterfly, Flatline, Superman combo and not flop into the mats below in a heap then I see another “Intermediate” level competitor showing their perfect over-Jades’ and Cocoons. This madness makes us Average Audreys feel like below average Beryls quite a lot of the time!

If you are able to perform advanced moves relatively easily then you should enter the Advanced category, end of. It’s not fair for us Audrey’s who honestly enter the category we should be in. If people keep entering a category below what they actually are then, we never stand a chance and based on that logic I might as well enter a Beginners category. Basically if you’re thinking of entering a competition, please read the rules and see which category you should actually enter and not which one you’re likely to place in.

People having their entire routines written for them (especially amateurs having theirs written by a pro)

Now, I am fully aware that none of us were born knowing how to pole dance and that everyone, even Felix bloody Cane, was taught it at some point. I am also fully aware that there is absolutely fuck all wrong with booking private lessons with your instructor to work on your routine and figure out which combos and flow fit nicely into it, but getting your entire routine written for you by someone else is a bit unfair if you ask me. Especially when you’re entering an amateur competition and a professional has written your whole performance. In the majority of competitions, the dancers are marked substantially on their choreography (tricks, spins, flow, transitions, musicality etc) so for a professional dancer or even someone else to write the entirety of your routine means that you’re not being marked on your own musicality and choreo abilities, and it’s unfair on your fellow competitors who have poured their blood, sweat and tears into writing their own routine to be marked against someone who has had theirs whipped up for them by an instructor or someone of a higher level. Once again here we have an average Audrey, who has sweated fucking gallons to muster up a routine with all the musicality she has, only to be pipped to the post by someone who has had all manner of twirly, twizzly flips, fish flops, shoulder rolls and various other complicated shit written for them.

Well that’s that out of my system. I hope at least some of you reading this are in at least partial agreement with me. To summarise, I just think it doesn’t hurt in this life to be a good sport and I am 200% campaigning for justice for us Audreys! #AudreyPower