Shove your “cellulite reducing leggings” and other toxic crap up your arse

It has been a long old time since I’ve posted a proper, no holds barred rant on Chrome Chronicles. So, strap yourself in lovely readers, as this is going to be an overdue and bumpy ride!

The other week whilst I was perusing through Instagram, I came across some utter bullshit advert for Cellulite reducing leggings. Cellulite. Reducing. Leggings. Unfortunately, I have forgotten the name of the company who were trying to shamelessly flog this problematic shithawk of a clothing item, but Jesus Christ these cunts have got my back up big time. And this is why.

Right, I am not a scientist in any way, shape, or form so my dermatological knowledge on cellulite is limited to being someone who has it, but according to the Wikipedia page(not a reliable source I know, so I advise doing your own research on this if you so wish)  all about cellulite, it’s something 80-90% of all women have. To keep it simple, cellulite is the dimpled-looking skin that usually pops up on your thighs, bum or belly. It forms when fatty tissue deep in the skin pushes up against connective tissue, thus creating the dimply look of cellulite. Hormones apparently play a dominant role in their formation, along with your genetics, lifestyle and any other predispositions you may have to towards it.

Now, why the ever-loving fuck are some dickheads trying to sell us leggings to get rid of something that practically half the planet has? I am bobby boiling about this! I for one am practically covered in cellulite. It is on my thighs, my arse, my belly and even my arms. If I did want to get rid of it (which I do not) I would need to buy an entire morph suit made of this magical Harry Potter and the chamber of bullshit material that apparently zaps it away. I am not going to pretend to be an expert in body positivity just yet, as my personal journey of loving and accepting my body for what it is is still one that is very much ongoing, but I have definitely grown to love and accept my cellulite as part of me, and am not wasting my hard earned money on some con artist, Instagram clothing brand who are attempting to profit from people’s potential insecurities like a pack of greedy pricks.

X-POLEDisclosure: The link above is an affiliate link, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn commission if you click through and make a purchase.

When it comes to the pole community, I feel like the topics of cellulite and body positivity go hand in hand. They have for me anyway, as seeing your body in a relatively uncovered way in all its glory is something that begins right at day one of your pole journey. Pre-pole I think I posted about four photos to social media of myself in my bikini. Since starting pole I think I’ve now posted approximately 4786, thanks to the confidence in my body that I have developed since joining the pole dance community. As fun and awesome as it is, joining the pole dance community is a bit of a headfirst, baptism of fire into the world of self-love and body positivity. As I said previously, I do still have self-conscious moments where I catch myself trying to cover my belly but overall, I’m legit feeling more confident to wear next to nowt in front of people.

Therefore, it honestly worries me to see badass dancers worry about posting photos and videos of their fantastic progression due to their cellulite being on show. I’ve seen so many people in mind bending, epic poses saying “excuse my cellulite” or even asking how to edit it out of photos. Mate you’re doing a feat of athleticism and wonder – believe me no one is judging you for having cellulite and if they are they’re a thunder cunt of astronomical proportions! Also, I have heard before now that if you can see your cellulite in your photos it’s a good thing, as it shows you are engaging and squeezing your muscles properly, which is what is going on in the feature photo of me in this blog – proudly squeezing into a split and displaying my cellulite for the world! And come on now, I have seen Michelle Shimmy proudly posting cellulite pictures with zero fucks given – if it’s good enough for Shimmy, it’s bloody well good enough for me.

Having cellulite has actually been very useful to me in my pole journey so far, as it has helped to provide me with a rather ample arse that is great at twerking. All other aspects of pole, from strength training, getting flexible and pain conditioning, are still all very much a work in progress for me, but shaking my arse and making it wobble I have taken to like a duck to water, all thanks to my handy cellulite.

As mentioned above, developing a body positive attitude and feeling confident in your skin is an ongoing journey, but for our own happiness and to get one over on these cunty industries that are built on our insecurities, it is a journey that we really ought to begin. Be they magical weight loss leggings, fucking Flat Tummy tea or whatever it is called or the photo editing app Autotune, they are all the same filth on different, shit covered shovels that can get in the bin. These companies are peddling a toxic, shameful and downright disgusting narrative which perpetuates self-loathing, poor mental health and other conditions which are harmful and dangerous. We must rebel and not let the bastards win, so sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, shove your cellulite reducing leggings up your arse.

Disclosure: The link above is an affiliate link, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn commission if you click through and make a purchase.


  1. Good lord, woman, when you rant you really do it brilliantly! Fantastic post and fantastic message of positivity. Keep it up, you’re fucking awesome!


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