We need to talk about Floorwork

Okay, so I have a confession to make. Before starting pole dancing, I had no idea floorwork was a thing. There you go you can all take me out and shoot me, and quite frankly I deserve it for being such a monumental wally. Yes I had seen a plethora of posts on Instagram of dancers in your classic, complicated pole manoeuvres, however I had never once committed to watching a slinky flow video.

Six weeks in to my pole dance quest I had my first Floor and Flow class, and I underestimated that bad boy like a motherfucker. “There’s no gripping onto the pole! No spins or sits. This’ll be a piece of piss” thought a stupidly smug Eilish.

PAH YOU TIT!

Floorwork is fucking hard! Like woah my god I love it but learning floorwork has taught me that I have about as much coordination as Norovirus. My left foot becomes my right, I’m twisted round the pole with absolutely no idea which way is up or down and I’m nothing more than a fleshy, mangled up pretzel of a human, about as far from grace and sexiness as it gets. I watch videos of floor and flow queens such as Kitty Velour, Sarah Blackmilk and Carmine Black looking smoking hot, gliding around owning the floor and yes they make it look sensual and effortless, but in reality, looking like you ooze sex appeal is no easy feat.

Take the picture at the top of this post for example. The sexy minx on the floor is my best friend Jessica, busting out a cracking split at Bristol Pole Championships back in May. The mad bint in the bottom struggling with life is yours truly, attempting to hurl myself from a ground Scorpio into a Superman position and failing spectacularly. Don’t get me wrong, as I said I love floorwork and how it ignites my passion for dancing, but I look less like a fierce goddess and more like a gurning pill head when I attempt it.

However, in true Chrome Chronicles spirit of facing your demons square in the face and giving it a good go, I have two floorwork workshops booked in for the end of this month and I’m determined to at least get a video of myself performing a little floorwork routine from start to finish. I’ve been super busy in my muggle life of late, and haven’t had the chance to get any decent stretching practice in, so having hip flexors like concrete bollards is not going to make floorwork tricks any fun, but fuck it, I’m doing it anyway.

I personally feel there is a lot of focus on nailing complicated tricks and aerial combinations, as these look instantly impressive (and they are), but the more you learn about pole and dance in general, the more you see the awe and amazement in a sick, well-choreographed flow that links the entire performance together and gives it a killer edge. Therefore it’s about time I got my Pleasers and knee pads on and upped my floorwork arsenal to include a bit more that wavy legs and chasing clocks. Floorwork, you’re about to get the appropriate level of worship that you deserve.