Nothing makes you any less of a pole dancer and you do not need to prove yourself

All too often in my pole dance journey I have found my internal monologue chatting absolute pure shit to me about when I’ll be a “real” pole dancer. “Oh I’ll be a real pole dancer when I can do my first Ayesha”, “Nah I’ll be a proper pole dancer when I get through to the finals of a competition” and “I suppose I can’t class myself as a real pole dancer until I can get down properly in my front splits” are just some of the nonsense statements that unhelpfully float around in my brain on a regular basis like a nugget of shit in the toilet. Well, if you’re reading this and also have an internal monologue that decides to throw daft statements around in your head telling you that you need to compete/perform/have a perfectly nailed Jade split before you can class yourself as a pole dancer – this blog is for you. So what do we say to our internal monologue’s folks when they tell us we have to meet a set of criteria before we can class ourselves as pole dancers?

Not today

You do not need to prove it to yourself, or anyone for that matter to be classed as a pole dancer! Yes competing is a one of a kind experience that pushes you approximately 500 miles out of your comfort zone in terms of hard work and facing your fears, yes performing is an adrenaline filled adventure that will teach you invaluable lessons about how your body likes to move and dance, yes busting out awesome tricks and moves makes you feel like a badass – but if that shit isn’t for you that’s one hundred percent okay!

X-POLEDisclosure: The link above is an affiliate link, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn commission if you click through and make a purchase.

You do not need to win competitions, be as bendy as the goddess that is Felix Cane, have an arsenal of 500,000 tricks and floor combos or have tens of thousands of Instagram followers to class yourself as a “real” pole dancer. By all means it’s fucking ace to have goals and ambitions to work towards as part of your pole dancing journey, hell I have loads, but you cannot let whether or not you have reached them yet define you. As someone who is often looking to or thinking about the future (that’s a fucking sugar coated way to describe anxiety if ever I heard it), I am often guilty of loosing enjoyment in the process because I am thinking too far ahead about what shit I want to achieve next. I swear there is some age old saying in life about stopping and enjoying the view once in a while, which is one that I think all us pole dancers need to apply to ourselves.

Basically, if you are a person who dances on, around or in between pole(s), be it at home or in a class and at any level of ability, then you, you magical fucking being, are a real and genuine pole dancer and don’t let your internal monologue tell you otherwise! As the wise Tiff Finney says, you are enough!




  1. I love this post. I’m a plus size poler and this is something I have really beaten myself up over, feeling like I am just pretending to pole as a relative newbie who is still struggling to invert. But you’re absolutely right- I go to class 2-3 times a week, I know my strengths and weaknesses and whilst I might not have nailed a chopper I can do some pretty sexy floors fuckery and my star gazer kicks ass. I am a proper pole dancer!


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