Many moons ago (pun fully intended) I wrote Poling on your Period, a blog all about the delights of pole dancing when your vagina has fallen to the Communists. Fast forward six years, and after a particularly brutal evening of pole when my period was imminent, I have decided to follow my previous blog up with a sequel, all about how pole dancing when your period is due can be literal hell.
The entire northern hemisphere knows when my period is due to arrive as I morph into what can only be described as a hybrid between a rabid Tasmanian Devil and a trifle, a trifle of womb rage (now that’s a cool name for a metal band!) if you will. All strength leaves my body and I feel unable to hoist myself up with even a modicum of control in any capacity. Couple that with feeling like I want to either fight anyone who speaks to me or cry in a heap on the floor, and you’ve got yourself one floppy, demonic entity.
As if having fuck all strength when you’re due on isn’t stressful enough, I find that my now rather hardened and scaly skin (only in certain places, my inner thigh skin still needs a bit of conditioning) is now as soft as a pointless feather. Moves that caused little to no pain such as Choppers and Flatlines now feel like they’re slicing through my entire nervous system, as my pain threshold disintegrates into the void.
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Three weeks ago my period began to arrive on the evening of my pole and splits classes, and despite feeling hot and dizzy as fuck I decided to soldier on, as I was in a ferocious mood (more on those later) and getting out of the house and doing something usually cheers me right up. Well, that it did, but shit the bed at points I thought I was going to collapse- and that was just during splits class! I was experiencing all the classic, rotten bastard symptoms of period day, dizziness, hot flushes and feeling like I just wanted to go right back to bed. I felt very proud of myself for putting mind over matter and not letting my raging womb defeat me, but fuck me I was a battered corpse afterwards. How I survived an advanced spinny pole class that evening was nothing short of a miracle. In the past I have ended up cancelling pole classes because I thought I was coming down with something and it turned out to be pre-period dizziness. That’s how savage it can get in case you were wondering.
Furthermore, we all know it’s not just the physical symptoms of being due on that royally fuck you up, emotionally the week leading up to my period I’m the worst version of myself. Mentally I am exhausted, and as previously mentioned, I’m in a state of flux between wanting to either cry at anyone or anything or fight anyone or anything until I hit a state of collapse. Thankfully the phenomenon that is Evening Primrose Oil (seriously whoever realised that shit was edible needs a Nobel prize every year) helps regulate the old hormones, but there has been many a pole class I have attended in the week leading up to my period, whereby I struggle along, can’t do any of the combo and end up driving home again in fetid mood. Yes I am well aware this is a me problem and I’m probably a tad hormonally imbalanced, but let a girl rant over here.
Finally, if you’re experiencing a really rough time before your period and you think pole will be too much for your body then please listen to it and do not train. I believe throughout history we’ve been forced to stoically push on through what’s actually a substantial feat for our bodies to endure and we do not prioritise rest enough. Like I said, I have cancelled on classes when I’ve had a particularly savage time pre-period, and you should too.
If anyone else with indoor plumbing has found a way of mastering being able to pole effectively when your period is fast approaching, please be a babe and let me know in the comments what the secret is to not being a trifle of womb rage, it would be very much appreciated!
Disclosure: The link above is an affiliate link, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn commission if you click through and make a purchase.
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