Hello and welcome to my fucking jolly little blog Chrome Chronicles!
As the tag line suggests, I wanted to start a blog for all the amateur pole dancers out there. If you love going to class but maybe you haven’t entered your first competition yet, have only just began your pole journey or if you’re considering starting classes and are in need of some extra encouragement to hit the studio then this blog is for you!
As this little corner of the internet unfolds, you’re likely to find the following posts in Chrome Chronicles:
- Lots of lots of positivity and (hopefully) some inspiration! Now don’t worry, this blog isn’t going to be full of bullshit, generic “inspirational” quotes written in a giant font over a picture of some random beach. This aint Tumblr. Instead, I’ll be sharing my own (and maybe some of my pole sisters) remedies for giving myself a kick up the arse and getting my pole game on when I feel like giving up or sitting in a Netflix and snacks nest all day instead of getting down to practice.
- Sexy, wonderful filth. I am learning the Authentic/Stripper style of pole dance. Therefore there will be lots of #SundayBumday, eight inch heels and slutty floorwork posts going down in this bitch. If you don’t like it and are likely to get offended by women embracing their own sensuality then jog on now before you get triggered by the power of the booty.
- The occasional rant. We all have our nemesis moves that drive us into a fit of rage when, after the 50th attempt you’re still not quite nailing it (Superman you twat I’m coming for you one of these days). I’ll probably be posting a few rants about the moves that I’m struggling to grasp in the hope that someone tells me I’m not alone in my battles.
Here’s what definitely will not be featured in Chrome Chronicles:
- Any sort of advice or instruction on moves whatsoever. I have absolutely zero qualifications in dance teaching. Hopefully that will change one day, but for now, I am not being responsible for some wally falling out of a move and injuring themselves because “that Eilish off the internet told me you do it like this.” Speak to your instructor if you have any serious training related queries.
- Diet advice. I am also not a dietician and if I had my way as opposed to my metabolisms I would live on green olives, Kettle Chips, Amber Ale, Mexican Food and Lasagne all day. You won’t find any posts going on about protein powder or “ooh check out this lean, no carb, muscle building kale and cow dung smoothie I’ve made” here I’m afraid. Nothing wrong with eating clean and training hard, but clean eating is not something I’m clued up on.
- Any bitching, catty or passive aggressive comments about anyone in the pole industry. That shit aint cool. End of. I literally don’t give a fuck if someone came up to you while you were dancing and did a massive dump right in front of the pole (although to be fair if someone did that to me I might blog about it because funny). We need to work together as a community to get pole the praise and recognition it deserves, not tear each other down. So in short there will be no bitchy posts in here.
I hope you enjoy reading what I’ve got coming up over the next few months and any comments and shit are always appreciated!