Pole competition time round two – getting back on it and lessons learned

Well here I am again. After declaring loud and clear that I was not going to enter any pole competitions in 2019, I can now officially say that statement was a crock of shit and as you can tell from the state of my legs in the picture taken above after Saturday’s practice session, that one has been entered. I have taken a giant leap forth from my comfort zone and Entered the English Riviera Pole Championships, which is not only my first competition since April 2018, but my first motherfucking competition where there is no video entry and you instead go straight through to the finals on the night.


I have never performed live in front of judges before. Well, if you don’t count the two ballet exams I completed when I was in primary school that is. And despite the experience being all very new and daunting, I am legit buzzing for it. Who knows, this could be my only opportunity to perform on a competition stage in front of judges, and receive valuable feedback in the process, so I sure as hell am going to make this opportunity count, pour my blackened soul into my routine and have a lot of fun in the process.

When I last competed, despite not making it through to the finals, I came 11 out of 35 competitors, which I was rather proud of. In order to pump those rookie numbers right up, I have reflected back on my previous competition journey to see what valuable lessons I can take forward and learn from this time around. Coar, how fucking mature of me!

X-POLEDisclosure: The link above is an affiliate link, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn commission if you click through and make a purchase.

Lay off the sauce!

Last time was a marked improvement on my competition efforts of 2017, however I definitely recall missing two or three practice sessions at least due to being rather worse for wear on practice day, well not this time! Apart from my wedding next month and mini moon to Edinburgh for a few nights, I shall be well and truly laying off the booze and staying far away from the sesh (ugh, I loathe that term) until post competition. Yes that does definitely mean that I’ll be launching a double JD and diet coke down my throat as soon as I get off the stage, but boy oh boy will it be worth it. This girl ain’t missing one minute of practice due to a hangover!

Look after yourself in general and don’t over do it

As well as steering clear from booze, I shall be continuing with my previously mentioned mission to boost my immune system and overall health in order to take my competition training to the next level. Last time, I wasn’t sleeping properly and was stressed as hell from studying, so this time I will be listening to my mind and body and if neither feel as healthy as they should be to train, then I shall have a nice hot bath and an early night.

Go to bloody town with the theme and create something that feels very me

Last time, despite picking a more defined theme and creating something that I did feel was quite unique, there’s no denying that I could have gone to greater lengths to really accentuate and maximise the theme. This year I will be working my arse to the bone to create a performance that not only has a strong theme, but is also very unique to me and I feel confident in performing. Lol, I have my work cut out here!

Do not stalk fellow competitors on Instagram

Not today, tomorrow,or any days between now and the competition final Satan! I only did this mildly last time, but it’s never worth doing. I will only outpsyche me and worrying that someone in my category has a perfectly flat Jade split or has the bendiest shoulders/back/legs known to humanity is never helpful. This behaviour is not condusive to good mental health, therefore I’m not going down that road.

Do not go hell for leather trying to cram in all the tricks

The more I have studied (aka read a few interviews, Instagram stories, long Facebook statuses and comments from the pros) the technicality and theory behind crafting a cracking routine, the more I have learned that there is more to the concoction of a masterpiece performance than cramming in as many tricks as possible. The whole piece has to flow and in my opinion, be unique and entertaining to watch. In the past I have tried to shove all the most difficult tricks I can think of into a routine, but this time I shall be looking at the bigger picture and focusing on the routine in it’s entirety.

Stretch like a mad cunt

Because who doesn’t love seeing a beautiful split and/or back bend on stage? If I get really warm and stretch thoroughly, I now have touch down on my good side splits (fuck yeah!) and I would love to be able to include them in a performance.

So here goes! I promise you all I will write a follow up blog to this one once said competition has been completed and let you know how far following the tips above got me.


  1. Love it!
    I have entered my first competition for next year doing hoop (which I haven’t done for ages and was very drunk when I entered it) I will be following your blog closely


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