Shit you’re guaranteed to hear when you tell people you’re a pole dancer

It’s always an interesting one breaking the news to someone for the first time that you’re a pole dancer. Due to the utterly badass nature of pole, it’s guaranteed to conjure up a greater variety of reactions to just telling someone that you do Yoga, Zumba etc. Not that Zumba and Yoga aren’t fucking awesome in their own right, because they are, but they do not have the same sense of taboo and mystery surrounding them that pole has.

In my three and half year pole adventure so far, I have been lucky enough not to encounter any real negativity from regular folk when I tell them I’m a pole dancer (thank fuck), however I have, like I’m sure you have too, been met with some cracking responses over the years when I’ve dropped the Pole bomb for the first time. Below are ten of the most common responses that you’re certain to hear when you tell someone you pole for the first time, and the ideal retort. If you have any common responses you get too that aren’t on this list, please drop them in the comments

“Pole dancing?!”

Yes babe. Pole dancing. Not going round to old ladies houses and shitting like a camel all over their carpet. No need to act so shocked.

“Are you a stripper?”

Look, Debbie from Accounts, if I was a stripper, do you really think I would be stood here, at 8:45am on a Monday, desperately chugging coffee down my gullet in an attempt to make your dreary conversation about your husband’s hemorrhoids  (that I give not one solitary fuck about) bearable? No. I wish I had the skills, patience and glamour to be a stripper, but alas I do not. In short Debbie, I am in my dreams.

“Do you not find it degrading?”

In what universe is a group of people, learning to love their bodies for the strength, skills and flexibility that it’s developing, building some of the most rewarding friendships they’ll ever have and gaining killer levels of confidence degrading Sharon? You condescending cock. Your attitude is degrading now shut up.

“Oh wow you must be so fit and strong! Your core strength must be though the roof. I wouldn’t even be able to hold myself up.”

Why thank you! Yes I guess I am a bit of a super human I suppose. I’ve seen a few Cross Fit documentaries on the old Netflix now and I think I could absolutely smash that easy peasy. In fact, the other day I managed to open not one, but two jars of curry sauce for my mum, so I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious up in here.

Seriously though, no one is strong to start off with, that’s a skill you learn along the way. Pole is a wonderful sport/dance/art form that is for every body’s body, no matter your shape, size or strength. You don’t start off doing the mad shit you see on Instagram, like anything in life you start small, building up the fundamental skills then progressing on to the more complicated stuff. Honestly, you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve.

Coar that got a bit serious there! Sorry about that, back to banter.

“Can you climb all the way to the top? Can you go upside down?”

I just told you Linda I’m a motherfucking super human. Never mind climbing all the way to the top and hanging upside down at my pole classes, that’s just the shit I get up to in my everyday life these days. I parkoured the entire 5 mile commute in this morning and I’m going to cartwheel it all the way home. Boo ya.

“People think pole is all about stripping, but it’s not is it. It’s more like gymnastics?!”

Oh here we fucking go. There are many different styles of pole. Some are more gymnastic and circus based yes, but for the love of Felix PLEASE LET’S NOT DISTANCE POLE FROM IT’S STRIPPING ROOTS! I got into pole dance watching Metal and Hip Hop videos growing up, seeing sexy as fuck pole dancers in these videos and thinking it looked epic. Every dancer has a different tale to tell as to how they got into pole, but I love the Authentic/Classique and Stripper style the best. If someone ever watched me dance and thought I was a stripper, holy shitballs I would be dead chuffed about it for weeks. It would be the greatest compliment! So for me, yes, pole is a lot about stripping.

“I bet you’re very flexible.”

Ha! I wish I fucking was mate. You have no idea the hours and hours of agonising stretching that goes into getting someone who isn’t naturally bendy like yours truly over here to move even a few inches lower to the ground in their splits. The majority of the time I’m as flexible as a piece of Weetabix.

“Men do it too nowadays don’t they?”

Hell yeah do! Anyone of any gender can pole and will be welcomed in the pole community! Period.

“You wear those shoes? I couldn’t even walk in them!”

This has taken years of practice! I started off in teeny heels and worked my way up to the sparkling, eight inch bad boys you see here. Also, my love of Pleasers has now overtaken my love for my fiancé, crisps, Game of Thrones and I have a moderate to severe addiction to them, I’m too far down the rabbit hole to not dance in heels and I’m 100% okay with it too.

“My partner wouldn’t like me doing that!”

Your partner is a cunt Karen.