Well shit the bed and call me Barry a new decade is upon us! After the delicious overindulgence of the festive period (minus one or two savage fucking hangovers thrown in for good measure), I like all other pole dancers have dug out the old notepad and drafted a list of my 2020 pole dance goals.
Now, I have taken a slightly different approach to my 2020 pole goals, the approach being that I have got a bit bloody carried away. 2020 marks my five year anniversary as a pole dancer, so instead of focusing on competing, performing etc like I have done in previous years, I am starting this decade off by taking it right back to the basics and focusing on building some gargantuan levels of strength and flexibility. I sat down with my swanky Pole Goals notepad and began to write down every single strength and flexy goal/combo that I wanted to achieve this year and added them to my goals list. I may not master everything on this list, but fuck it, if I get even half of these completed I will be chuffed to bits!
Backhook to invert
I bloody love this simple yet powerful spin combo, however at the moment whenever I attempt it my arse suddenly multiplies 100 fold in weight and heaving it up into a chopper feels nigh on impossible. One day I’ll be able to conquer it, so it’s cemented on to the pole goals list.
Brass monkey-sit up-genie-butterfly-flatline
This swirly combination is what I need to be able to master in order to move up to the Advanced class at my pole studio. Whilst I am in no rush to head off to Advanced (christ on a bike I am challenged enough in my Intermediate level two class!) it would be cool as hell to be able to flawlessly bust out this combo eventually. Maybe I’ll get there towards the end of 2020?
A flat jade split!
Holy shit as if this isn’t everyone’s pole goal at some point! We all know how much I love a beautiful Jade split, however at the moment my poor old Jade looks like clock hands telling the time “13:55” and “14:55” at best. Well not anymore! I am determined as fuck to have my Jade looking damn near perfect in 2020, roll on my legs resembling “14:45”!
Stretch 2-3 times per week
That ties in wonderfully with my goal above. I may be a lazy twat at times when it comes to my pole and flexibility training, but I am not a daft one, and I know that my Jade ain’t going to do shit on the progression front unless my active and passive flexibility is worked on big time. Therefore, I have carried over the goal of stretching 2-3 times per week into 2020. My flexibility did progress slightly in 2019, so it’s time to suck up the pain and get bending big time in order to send it sky rocketing this year.
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Aerial invert on both sides neatly in my ten inch Pleasers
At the mo I can invert on both sides in my eight inch Pleasers, but it’s sloppy as a hangover poo and needs a fuck tone of tidying up if I’m going to be honest with myself. Thankfully, my lovely, husband shaped Father Christmas treated me to some gigantic ten inch Pleaser boots to get training in. If I can execute a tidy AF chopper aerial invert in ten inch Pleasers, then I’ll be very bloody happy with myself.
Shouldermount on both sides in said ten inch Pleasers
Not too dissimilar to the goal above in that I can shoulder mount in my eight inch Pleasers (only on one side however- so the dreaded dark side needs training), but it’s not smooth and neat yet. 2020 is going to be the year I attain the core strength of a mad cunt, so it’s time to strap on those heavy as hell boots and hoist myself into some epic shoulder mounts.
Aerial Shouldermount confidently on both sides
Ah this is a bit of a bittersweet goal for me. This was on 2019’s list and as you will remember from my previous blog , I randomly managed it once and lost it again * cue the violins.* But hey life goes on and one must dust themselves off and try and try again, so that’s what I shall do with this hefty bastard of a move until I can get aerial shoulder mounting like a boss on both sides.
Aerial Shouldermount on both sides in big Pleasers
Lol. This goal is way too ambitious for 2020 but fuck it, why not aim high?! I’m forever gawping at pole dancers who can aerial shoulder mount in massive heels, so if, no when I can master that strong as a bitch maneuver it will be a dream come true. Bloody hell if I get there in 2020 I may very well shit my pole pants with joy.
Shithouse superman!
Ah you utter cunt of a move this year I am determined to have you consistently acquired! I think I managed this nemesis of mine twice last year, and since adding it to my conditioning exercises I have almost got there again going from a side V position. I reckon after a few more solid attempts at mastering the old hip twisting action I’ll have the Superman again, and maybe I’ll stop being green with envy at everyone who can bust it out swiftly and easily!
Reiko split on both sides
I don’t think I had ever trained a Reiko since before 2019, but boy do they look pretty and make you appear to be a proper bendy wendy in the process. We look at these classics quite a bit in our spinny pole classes, so it would be sweet as a nut if I could manage this move on both sides.
Wrong side Jasmine, Gemini and Scorpio
My instructor and bestest pole buddy will be more than happy to notice there has been a bit of a theme running throughout this post of mastering moves on both sides. I am slowly improving at training my other side, but my knee and thigh grips on my dark side are no where near as conditioned to the pain and moves as my good side is. Therefore, I am committing to consistently being able to Jasmine, Gemini and Scorpio on my other (not “bad”) side too in 2020.
Holly drop
I first attempted this drop in October last year and whilst I made a bit of a pigs ear out of it, thought it looked pretty damn stunning when executed correctly, so I’ve added it to my list for 2020. Besides, it ties in nicely with the goal above of being able to Jasmine and Scorpio on my other side properly. Win win!
A 10/10 solid, sturdy and consistent ayesha
Yes I can ayesha now but it’s still wobbly and inconsistent. It would be an ultimate dream to be able to confidently whack an ayesha in a routine as easily as I stick in a cross knee release, so I shall keep drilling and drilling this move until my technique is solid and I can Ayesha with the best of them. Ideally with some sexy leg waves thrown in too and in my massive pleasers.
Flat front splits on both sides
This is another bittersweet goal that has crept it’s way back onto the list. I legit managed to get my front splits on my good side last year (woohoo bitches!) and got my calf down on my bad side. However as previously mentioned I have been a lazy dickhead and neglected my stretching schedule towards the end of November for the rest of the year, which meant my elusive splits vanished again. Time to get stretching and get my splits back!
Middle splits
I bloody love a good middle split and it’s a huge goal of mine to achieve one of my own eventually. If I’m going to be completely honest with myself here, this goal is a bit like the aerial shoulder mount in ten inch Pleasers in that it’s probably too ambitious to try and achieve this year, but taking a sturdy few steps towards it is a good start.
Attend at least one month of Russian Exotic classes
In my home city of Bristol, the classes that everyone is talking about are Anna Frost’s Russian Exotic classes at Pink Kitten dance school. Seriously I’m forever gawping at all the Instagram videos from my pals who have attended the classes in amazement at all the cool shit they’re doing. These classes always get booked up way far in advance, so here’s to 2020 being the year that I actually get my arse into a motivated and organised mode and manage to attend a full month of Russian Exotic fun.
Confidently kick into a wall handstand and fully complete handstand February
It’s no secret to pretty much the entire population of planet Earth that I fucking hate handstands, but I know that being able to bust out a half decent, assisted (ie using a pole/the wall) handstand looks cool as fuck and is great for developing your balance and what not. Therefore as standard, I have committed to by the end of 2020 being able to confidently kick up into a wall handstand unassisted and most importantly to actually making it through to the end of Handstand February this year.
Solid, elbow grip inverted D
I am giggling as I type this one, as I am getting flashbacks of the time last month when I attempted an elbow grip Ayesha for the first time and spectacularly cocked it up, leaving my poor pal Dana running to the rescue! Instead of trying to sprint straight to the Ayesha on this one, I have decided to concentrate on mastering a secure Elbow grip D, so that I get the hang of the bugger before trying to take my legs off.
Cupid properly
I have always struggled to cupid properly ever since I first began in Intermediate class four years ago (a bit embarassing I know, but never mind). I’m not the biggest fan of the cupid as it’s not one you can do in heels and I’m a heels dancer through and through, but it would be nice to tick it off the list as a nemesis that eventually got defeated. Also my teacher Anna showed us a lush cupid to butterfly combo that I would love to nail at some point.
Shoulder mount flip
Oh I bloody love a good flip! They look so fucking badass especially when done in hench shoes and are just overall feats of wonder. I have attempted the shoulder mount flip a few times last year and inched closer to it than I previously was, so I’m going to train my flips like a motherfucker in the hope that in 2020 I can go soaring over the top nicely.
Practice once a week
At the very bloody least. There is no way in hell I’m going to achieve any of the above if I don’t drag my sorry arse to the studio and put the hours in. No more “not today I’m hungover” or choosing to sack it off for snacks and Netflix. It’s a new decade and about damn time some magic happened and the training schedule got upped like a beast.
Motherfucking HANDSPRING!
I AM COMING FOR YOU YOU SPRINGY BASTARD! I can hoof myself up about 75% of the way, but my legs sort of go flailing backwards which throws me completely off balance and results in me swinging right back down again as opposed to swooping up gracefully into a pencil like a pro. The handspring is one of those momentous pole achievements just like your first chopper and shoulder mount, and it’s an achievement that I’ll probably piss myself with joy once I get it!
Sneaky V
Last but by no means least is the sneaky little fuck that is the sneaky V. I think this one is called sneaky because despite it looking not much more difficult than an extended butterfly, it’s a right wobbly bastard which requires immense balance, balance that I do not yet have. It looks cool as hell and pretty darn impressive, so I would love to achieve it one day, but for now it’s on the goals list.
Phoar shit the bed that’s the 2020 goals list finished. Give yourself a pat on the back and grab a cuppa if you made it through that mammoth list.
Do you have any pole goals for 2020 that you would like to share? If so, drop them in the comments!
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