Elbow grip hates me

Contrary to the photo above, which I sadly haven’t been able to re-create since, elbow grip wants fuck all to do with me. To elbow grip, I am nothing but a dull, pestering fool sliding into it’s DMs once a week saying “Hi hows you?”, and one step away from getting blocked completely.

Unlike the utter cunt that is armpit grip, which I have no intention of mastering any time soon if at all, I really am trying my damn hardest to get to grips (pun fully intended) with all things elbow grip related, but it’s coming about as easily to me as trying to push shit back up one’s own anus.

There is no denying that elbow grip moves look cool as hell. Be it something simpler like an Embrace or a death defying beast like an elbow grip Ayesha or Devil’s Elbow, how badass those moves are motivated me to attempt to tackle the bastard, with the aim of eventually including one in a performance – if my shitter of an elbow could actually grip on that is!

Despite having been a pole dancer now for eight years, having quite a few tattoos and therefore thinking (foolishly) that I had a moderately strong pain threshold, my elbows still scream like banshees whenever I attempt anything elbow grip related. Just the mere thought of hanging from ones elbow in a move is too much for my virgin elbows, who begin to recoil in horror as soon as the move begins and the tiniest amount of pressure is applied to them. Not only do I struggle enough with the mechanics of wedging a gigantic, metal pole into my elbow, but once I think I’ve got a solid enough grip on the go, the heinous wobbles kick in, my elbow begins to slide rapidly down the pole and my grip doesn’t feel anyway near sturdy enough to execute the move.

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And don’t get me started on moves which rely solely on an elbow grip!

As previously mentioned, I think Devil’s Elbow especially looks cool as fuck, but Christ alive whenever I attempt it I am in for a world of pain, and I think it’s because for a few seconds my elbow has been given the vitally important task of holding my entire bodyweight as I’m flying around the pole at what feels like 90mph. As mentioned at the start of this post, there have been a few odd occasions in the past when I have managed to execute a successful Elbow Grip Ayesha, and I believe that’s because not only is an Ayesha a balancing act as well as a strength move (more on bastard elbow balancing later) but you also have a good bit of lower hand grip going on too to prevent you from falling to your doom. Basically, when it comes down to any move which relies solely on your elbow gripping onto the pole, I am quite royally fucked.

Furthermore, the whole balancing issue of using your elbow in certain moves instead of your hands sends me into a state of confusion. I am no pole instructor, nor do I have even an infant school level understanding of anything physics related, but I’ve assumed over the years that it’s ones center of gravity moving in closer to the pole during elbow grip moves that throws you off balance? Whatever it is, I feel considerably less strong and stable and far more weak and wobbly Theresa May style (coar –  remember her?!) in most elbow grip moves.

If anyone has any tips on how to master all things elbow grip related (even if that tip is to just suck it up and get on with it) please do send them my way, as I’m quickly beginning to lose hope at ever successfully wooing the fucker.

Disclosure: The link above is an affiliate link, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn commission if you click through and make a purchase.

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